I want you to know that more than anything I'm sorry.
More than I love you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that sometimes you count the smiles you catch from me
in a month
like seeds blown from a dandelion or sand running through your fingers
Fleeting and somehow melancholy
I'm sorry that you can see the shadows behind my eyes
like shadows beneath my eyes like an eclipse
that covers all the sunlight
Like matte black paint
I'm sorry that you wake and roll over and feel only cool empty sheets because I can't sleep again and
rather than have you feel my chest shaking apart I lay on the couch instead and hold myself in like a
storm in a bottle
I'm sorry that I'm more cloud than sunshine
I'm sorry that there are things that I have to do RIGHT NOW and others that take me weeks to get
around to even though they're more important and you told me a million times and you're just trying to
help and
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you love someone that sheds her hurt like layers of wallpaper that you pick up and try to
stick back on
I'm sorry that you have to watch me like I've strapped a bomb to my chest that could go off in fifteen
seconds or fifteen years
I'm sorry that sometimes you have to carry me around like a backpack full of bricks because I can't
stand to hold myself up or be put down
I'm sorry that you slice yourself on my sharpened edges
I'm sorry but I mean
I love you.
I mean don't leave me because I am a work in progress
I am a house that needs some work but I promise that even though the plumbing is bad,
my foundation is strong and I will weather any storm
Even though the sink leaks, my roof will keep out the rain
I will never turn you away
I will shelter you if you keep lovingly painting my walls and fixing my crooked banisters
We will be home you and I
I promise.